


Say It Out Loud

by Stray_Ashes



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Forgive Me, Galaxy Garrison, Garrison Os, I didn't mean to hurt anyone, I had fun, I realate, Just a lot of sad things, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith finds the Holt family photos, Keith knows something, Keith's got the fire of a star, Keith's mind is self-destructive, M/M, My first time writing in english, Oblivious!Shiro, Pining!Keith, Pre-Kerberos Mission, Shiro is leaving for space, this is an experiment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-03
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2019-01-28 23:22:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12617856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stray_Ashes/pseuds/Stray_Ashes
Summary: Keith is.... scared. And he knows something he shouldn't know, not now, not already.And he hates to think he is this weak, this selfish, scared. Alone.Fire needed sparks. But what was gonna happen when ash covered them?___________________“Do you think those stars are already dead by now?”“I don’t know. Maybe”“It makes me sad”“It’s only normal, Keith. Everything has to end, eventually”“I know. Stars look so eternal, tho”“They aren’t. But they do have a really long life, and I honestly believe the one I’m looking at just started its travel”“Which one are you looking at?”“I’m not looking at the sky”.***He found the photos by accident, and clutched them to his chest."Promise me?".





	Say It Out Loud

**Author's Note:**

> Well, here we go!  
> I am Italian, so this is my first time writing something directly in English, but I hope I did something good and not a terribly cringy dumping of words.  
> It also went out I'm cheesy as fuck, but this two guys struck my heart since, like.. day one. I've been waiting to write something about them and I was to lazy to write it in Italian first and then translate it. It was time to experiment this. 
> 
> Tell me how it is? 
> 
> Tell me about errors, if you see them. It would really help.
> 
> Have fun! (but not really this is all so sad. meh)

 

 

It was autumn, again.

Keith raised his hand and gently put it against the window, finding it incredibly cold. The glass sent him chill that crawled up his arm and reached his back, making him shiver.

On the outside, wind and water looked like two powerful titans trying to shatter down the world, tempestuous and untamable. It didn’t rain often in the desert – almost never, indeed – but Keith had been living there long enough to know how it was when it happened. Just like this time, nature poured all its mighty power upon the desolated lands, changing almost everything in its way.  

Keith knew that this storm, as much as rapid as it was gonna be, would have left visible changes on the desert, and all the dunes that Keith had learned to memorize ‘til yesterday, were going to disappear. He didn’t know if this awareness was leaving him feeling uncomfortable or not.

The shack trembled when a lightning illuminated the sky, followed by a thunder, and Keith sighed before closing his eyes. His hand was starting to feel numb, but he didn’t dare to lift it from the window. It was like… he needed to feel something different from his own emotions, something to make him feel closer to the storm that, as much as it sounded cheesy even to his own ears, matched the storm going inside his mind. He felt… wretched, nervous, scared. He was already starting to sense the crack that would have soon opened an entire hole in his chest.

Lame, he said to himself, but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t go through it all again.

 _Scared_. His breathing became ragged, rapid.

Alone.

Keith tore his hand away from the glass and took a step back, trying to get his bearings. He wasn’t that weak anymore, that time had passed, gone – he was stronger now, he was an adult, he didn’t need _anyone_ anymore. He was okay.

 _Liar_.

Keith shook his head, letting his dark hair fall in his eyes. It was probably time to cut it, but he wasn’t feeling like it. Now, it made him feel more protected, cloaked away from the world, and he needed it when no one was around. When Shiro wasn’t around.

Shiro.

Keith wondered what he was probably doing at this time of the evening. They often spent these hours together, but Keith had told him he wanted to be alone, and asked to leave him be. Oh, if just Shiro knew the reason why…

Keith’s face contorted in a grimace and he turned around, facing the empty room that should have resembled a bedroom, but it was just a sorry excuse of one – he had never minded up until now. He and Shiro made it work, the nights when they decided the Garrison could wait. Everyone always wanted Shiro – to talk, to sign this and then that, to train, to teach, to just be the nice, awesome face of the Garrison’s pride and joy. And nonetheless, Shiro had often decided to spend his precious time with him, riding across the desert with the overbike and counting the stars and constellations that littered the sky.

Keith felt an ache spark in his ‘oh so usually cold’ heart, but he quickly pushed it aside.

He imagined Shiro in the Garrison halls that exact moment, surrounded by familiar places, warm orange colors, bright smiles and waiting, hopeful stares. He wondered how many of them knew what _he knew_ , but Shiro didn’t. Probably. Maybe he knew _now_.

He then thought of himself instead –  alone, miserable, surrounded by cold, merciless colors.

It had been Shiro himself to say that Keith’s colors weren’t that cold. Inside, he had the warmest, wildest of colors, a heart so full of it, he said. Keith couldn’t help but believe him, and he was trying with all of himself to never forget that, to never doubt Shiro. After all, every time he had the occasion to fight, spar and fly, he himself could sense that bright, red color Shiro seemed to talk about.

Keith moved in the room and let himself fall on the bed, watching absentmindedly the dust float idly in the grayish light that filtered from the window. Outside, the storm was still going as strong as before, nobody would have dared to go through it, not even Shiro, or at least Keith hoped so. No one could disturb him, and he was actually glad; as much as he felt lonely, he needed this time alone with his own thoughts before everything went down.

Keith, fisting the sheets until his knuckles became white, damned himself for always being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and for feeling so goddamn scared of being left alone, left behind, abandoned.

His father had disappeared when the wind was starting to get colder, when all the leaves were tinted red and yellow.

It was autumn, all over again, and he felt scared.

It had been that afternoon, not more than a couple hours prior, that Keith found himself in that hallway, trying to escape in the back and avoid the other kids, and, if he was lucky, maybe get to catch Shiro along the way. Even if it wasn’t Shiro he found, but just a closed door with voices inside, his curiosity led him to press his body against the hard wall, slow his breathing, and _listen_.

He wished he hadn’t.

 _Kerberos mission_ , he heard. _The edge of the solar system_ , _our greatest mission,_ they said. _Our greatest cadet. A high honor._

_Unknown. Kerberos. A year. Announce: tomorrow._

_Takashi Shirogane._

_Our greatest…_

Keith knew he should have been happy, supportive. He should have been at the Garrison even now to stand by his side, to be one of the other warm smiles, feeling proud and joyful. But he couldn’t; as much as he wished he was, he wasn’t that kind of person. He tried to never be selfish, but what else could he do when they were about to take a part of his heart and throw it into nothingness?

He should have been happy. Shiro loved space as much as _he_ did, so why did it suddenly feel more dangerous than endearing?

It was… just a year, Keith tried to keep in mind, it wasn’t going to last forever. However, a year was what they said, and Keith never trusted those man, he honestly didn’t know how Shiro was able to deal with them.

Keith realized how everything was so _fragile_. Time, emotions, promises, trust, love. There was nothing he could be sure about, and it was terrorizing him – no empty promises, no hopeful thoughts nor dreams to rely on. Everything depended from… pure casualty. And he was never a lucky man.

“He is going to be okay,”. His words resonated in the empty room, and they seemed so out of place even to his own ears. It seemed so wrong for someone to say anything in that silent, dark moment – the sky outside was already screaming on its own, nobody cared, and Keith’s shack was just a little bubble of illusionary silence. “I’m so stupid”.

The house trembled again, its wooden walls cracking sinisterly.

Keith pursed his lips, feeling childish, and rolled on his side to hide half of his face in the pillow. It smelled like dust and humidity, but Keith could recognize his own scent and Shiro’s, too.  He felt a bubbly, weird feeling in his guts, but ignored it once again.

He should have been at the Garrison’s dormitory right now, but nobody was going to really notice his absence anyway. He could sleep here until the storm passed, and return in the morning to face, well… everything that was going to happen.

He was nowhere near weak – that was what everybody thought. What he himself was starting – _trying_ – to think. He could do this. He was taking this night for himself to be stronger than ever tomorrow, and all the days that were going to follow.

He could…

Keith fell asleep before he could hear the wind die down and leave the desert silent, waiting.

***

It was the sound of a motorbike that woke him up, several hours later.

Keith recognized the sound immediately, and with a shudder running down his spine, he pressed his nose against the pillow. He felt his eyelids heavy, and sleep and unconsciousness still looked tempting, but he couldn’t hide away from everything again. It was time to be what everyone wanted him to be, just like he promised himself.

The front door opened, and Keith realized he could recognize even Shiro’s steps, how he walked, how he was breathing rapidly, excitedly. He heard him call his name, but didn’t say anything, he just took a deep breath before pulling himself off the pillow. He stayed sat, back straight, legs crossed on the sheets.

“Keith!”. The door opened and a very excited, eager Shiro appeared on the doorstep of the bedroom. A thrilled smile illuminated his face and under the Garrison uniform, Keith could see his chest moving up and down with his accelerated breathing. He must have run – run to get to Keith, to tell him what he already knew. Not like Keith was going to let him notice, of course.

In spite of himself, Keith smiled warmly. This was the effect that Shiro could have on him. “…’S something up?”

The older laughed breathily, leaning against the door and crossing his arms over his wide chest. “Hell yeah, you’re not gonna believe this” he chuckled, the smile never leaving his face.

Keith raised an eyebrow and flashed him a grin, purposely ignoring the ache in his chest. This was Shiro’s moment, no selfishness allowed. “Test me…?”.

Shiro raised his hands and took a deep breath, approaching him with careful a step. “They chose me,” he said disbelievingly, so breathily Keith could barely hear him. “They chose me, Keith!”

 _As if they could have chosen anyone else. Anyone better._ “Chose you?” Keith chuckled, feigning amused confusion. He got up from the bed and tilted his head, without approaching him. He wanted _Shiro_ to get closer to him, if he wanted to.

Instantly, to Keith’s pain and pleasure, Shiro went all over him and took him by the shoulders with incredulous joy, as if he had been waiting for Keith to get off the bed and open up to him. The young cadet found his smile so suddenly close to his own fake one he could have cried, for unknown reason. Or not so unknown, maybe. He felt… overwhelmed. He could feel his legs threatening to give out, but he hoped it wasn’t noticeable, and he was grateful for his friend’s hold on him.

“The Garrison! The Garrison is organizing a mission to Kerberos, and they chose me as pilot Keith! Can you believe this? I’m going to fucking _space_ …”

Keith closed his eyes briefly, then smiled up at Shiro. “You – _really?_ ”.

Shiro’s grasp on his shoulders tightened, almost lifting Keith’s whole being up. “Hell _yeah_. No kidding around here”, he said laughing, before letting him go. The younger one instantly missed the warmth of his hands.

Shiro very rarely talked like that – but now it seemed his so usually serious, composed persona was long left behind, replaced by a spontaneous, almost childish one. Keith loved it.

“It’s… it’s awesome, dude. I’m so happy for you”. _I am._

Shiro looked suddenly shy, raising a hand to grasp his own arm, looking down. “Yeah, it’s still unbelievable to me. I mean, yeah, I knew that.. well, one day or another I would have been given the occasion to go. To space, I mean. But I wasn’t expecting it so early. I-I’m ecstatic about it, don’t get me wrong –“

Keith grinned. “Yeah, I can see that, don’t worry”. 

Shiro rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled. “I guess. Sorry about that. They told me this morning, I thought I was going to faint on the floor or something. _Space_. I can’t believe it…” he said, his voice lowering as if he was losing himself in thought. His gaze drifted away for a second, before focusing back on Keith. “I needed to escape from all those people though. I knew I could find you here” he confessed with a warm smile that seized  Keith’s heart. He didn’t even know _why_ it hurt so bad. It seemed stupid the longer he thought about it, about _everything_. Seriously stupid. Stupidly serious.

“Why weren’t you at the Garrison yesterday night?”. So he noticed. Of course he did.

Keith wetted his lips, shrugging. “Dunno. I came here to relax, I guess. The storm got me stuck, so I slept here. No big deal”

Shiro frowned slightly, but he looked amused at the same time. “It’s gonna get you in trouble someday, you know? Sneaking around won’t be that easy once you graduate, I’ve been there before. When you become the Garrison’s pride and joy, they’ll try to make you forget the meaning of _peace_ and _freedom_ ”.

Keith snorted and rolled his eyes. “ _You_ are the Garrison’s pride and joy. I won’t be that in a million years, I don’t even want them on my shoulders all the time. It’s hard enough seeing _you_ go through that stuff”. When he focused his gaze back on Shiro, only a few steps in front of him, he was met with a warm, trustful smile, Shiro’s gray eyes so full of pride and affection that Keith couldn’t master how he even managed to have that look all for himself. _That_ was unbelievable.

“You have great potential, Keith. And they’re gonna notice it soon, too, just like I did. I know you don’t really care about that but…”, Shiro trailed off, seeming almost lost for words. It only lasted a moment. Then, he sighed and smiled again. “You’re gonna shine Keith”.

That warm, familiar feeling was once again spreading in his chest. Keith only wondered for how long he wouldn’t be able to feel that, so he clutched on to it like his very life depended on it. Maybe it did.

“You have the fire of a star. And no empty, nor cold or black space will outshine that light.”

Fire needed sparks. What was gonna happen when ash covered them?

What was gonna happen when Shiro left for the empty, cold and black space?

What was gonna…

“Promise me?”.

****

Keith shivered from the cold and pressed his body against Shiro’s side. They had brought blankets, but the night turned out to be more cold than they expected. They both were too lazy to go and get more, and honestly Keith didn’t mind. They had each other, it was enough – and honestly, gazing up at the stars, which were pure, burning fire, was warming him up from the inside. Or maybe yeah, maybe it was only because of Shiro. There wasn’t much difference anyway.

A month had passed.

Shiro’s excitement and eagerness had died down, leaving him serious and collected about the subject. He was particularly reserved about it with Keith, the cadet had obviously noticed that, and he couldn’t help but feel a bit ashamed about it. He wanted to share all of Shiro’s ecstasy, but he just couldn’t, not completely at least.

Shiro had noticed his uncomfortable behavior since day one, and he understood everything that was happening in his mind without needing Keith to say a word. Keith wasn’t a good actor, after all. He wasn’t sure if he _had_ actually wanted Shiro to understand how scared he was at the thought of watching him go; he never intended to seem weak, but he had learned that, with Shiro, he could be anything he felt like.

Keith sniffed and turned his head to bury his nose in Shiro’s chest, feeling it shake slightly when Shiro chuckled warmly, his breath becoming a cloud of steam that floated towards the night sky, before it got lost in the darkness. Keith found it endearing and terrorizing at the same time.

Shiro moved a arm to wrap it around Keith shoulders, and Keith bathed in the warm, familiar feeling, completely aware that he couldn’t have _this_ with anyone else. He didn’t even want to. It was just the two of them, nothing else mattered in the world.

Keith knew he was lying to himself.

“When are you going to leave?” he asked slowly, his voice nothing more than a faint murmur, so small he almost hoped Shiro didn’t hear him.

He did. “In a week”.

Keith closed his eyes, and left them closed. He breathed in Shiro’s scent, wanting it to fill him up, so he could be sure to remember it. He didn’t linger on the weird thought, he was too tired to do so.

There was a long moment of silence, before Shiro spoke again. “Are you okay”.

Keith breathed shakily. “I am”. He moved his head a little more, kissing softly the shirt that covered Shiro’s chest, somewhere above his heart. He didn’t even care if Shiro noticed his weird action – if he did, he chose not to comment on it.

“What are you thinking?”

Shiro wanted him to open up, Keith knew that. He wanted to be sure he _was_ okay, but this wasn’t the time to speak. He just wanted to relax and cherish this memory. Memories were all he was gonna have for a long time, after all, and Keith was painfully aware about it. “Nothing”.

But it wasn’t true. He wasn’t thinking about nothing. Suddenly, all he could think about was, _I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you._

It was natural – just like that.

“It’s only a year… it’s gonna be alright”.

Keith ignored the wet pearl that formed on his lashes. “Yeah…”

Silence.

“Promise me?”.

****

Keith looked up at the impressive, imposing ship, and smiled. It _was_ great, he could almost catch himself excited like the people that were going to get on board. Almost.

Beside him, Shiro was talking animatedly, but Keith only focused on the grip he felt on his shoulder. It was comforting, familiar, something so Shiro-like.

He had been dying in fear for more than a month now, but now he felt… stronger. Confident. Everyone was so positive about everything, about the mission and its meaning to human progress. It was… a great honor. And it was only just a year, indeed.

Around them, people took photos.

****

_Gone._

_Pilot error._

_Missing._

_Gone._

_Dead –_

The empty, the cold and black space.

Ragged breaths. Screams. Tears. Shattered glass.

Expelled.

Fire was light, but it was also destruction, and Keith felt like a wildfire that could destroy anything in its path. Very little mattered anymore.

_Lost._

Holding out for promises they always wanted to hear, but never made to each other.

 _Gone_.

“Please. Come back to me”.

****

Keith found the photos by accident.

There were smiling people he wasn’t sure he knew staring back at him. The smile of dead, gone, lost people. However, all he could focus on were the two little figures in the back, two shadows that almost went unnoticed.

The orange uniforms. The hair. The smiles. One’s hand on the other’s shoulder.

Stolen from a lost fraction of life, the figures stayed unmoving. Uncaring. Silent.

Keith sobbed distraughtly and folded in on himself, clutching the photos to his chest, finally crying like he never allowed himself to.

Even fire died down. Even stars went dark and silent.  

 

_Light is the fastest thing existing. Still, it takes… years, to get to you and riflect on Earth's atmosphere._

_“Do you think those stars are already dead by now?”_

_“I don’t know. Maybe”_

_“It makes me sad”_

_“It’s only normal, Keith. Everything has to end, eventually”_

_“I know. Stars look so eternal, tho”_

_“They aren’t. But they do have a really long life, and I honestly believe the one I’m looking at just started its travel”_

_“Which one are you looking at?”_

_“I’m not looking at the sky”._

Come back.

_Promise me?_

_I promise you._

But neither of them ever said that out loud.

 

 


End file.
